Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
