Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
