If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
