Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
