Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
BRING THE BAGELS
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
