so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
