One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hippo gnu deer
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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