I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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