Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
