i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize