Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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