just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize