We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
