Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
