I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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