While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
