Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
