I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
