even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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