It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
