wrigley field is MILF paradise
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
