I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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