Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
