you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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