i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Two words: blizzard sex
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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