I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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