meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
