Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
