you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
