honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
