i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
