if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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