Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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