Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
