I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
