why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
