Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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