She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
