Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
