The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
