I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize