well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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