Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
