bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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