bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
