are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
