that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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