Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
