i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
