do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize