I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
