when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
