seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
