I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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