My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
