I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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