I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
