You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I currently don't understand fingers.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
