Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This house was built for laser tag.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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