I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
