Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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