would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
