we're chasing vodka with high fives
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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