Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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