she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
