If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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