last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
