I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize