So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
lets start a swedish sibling band together
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
