Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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