I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Randomize
