Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When are your genitals available?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
