I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
