Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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