My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize