I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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