was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize