Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
