OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
