just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
