things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
