she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
