I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
