A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
