I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
