it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Every concussion has its silver lining
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
