In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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