we're chasing vodka with high fives
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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