I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
